The Pepsi Can

We had been on a wonderful vacation in Utah last week. We camped (in our 5th wheel trailer) hiked and relaxed. We were out of cell-phone range and there was no Internet. Wow!
As we were returning home we stopped at a rest area in Glenwood Springs by the Colorado River. It was a beautiful spot to eat, watching as the river rushed by. We watched several commercial rafting trips take off as we dreamed of getting a permit to go on our favorite river, the San Juan. What a wonderful picnic we had. When we finished eating, I took the food items and put them back in the refrigerator in the trailer.
As we were entering onto the Interstate, I realized that I had left my unfinished Pepsi can in the trailer on the kitchen shelf, directly over the upholstered chairs. We couldn’t pull over or stop. If you know anything about Glen Canyon, you know it is one of the prettiest canyons, but narrow with twists and turns and very few exit with re-entry ramps.
Sooo, I’m sitting in the passenger seat, I am tormented. I’m thinking about what a sticky mess I am going to have to clean up. (Any one who has had to clean up a soda spill knows how sticky it is and it gets everywhere.) I can see the Pepsi as it is spilling all over the tan upholstered chairs, the cabinets, and running down the sides all over the carpet.
I am allowing my anger to go from a 3-4 to a 10. I am mad at everyone and everything. I am mad because my husband won’t pull over and stop (he can’t there are no pull off lanes). I am angry with the road designers, that they did not make more exits – re-entry ramps (they couldn’t). I am angry with myself for leaving the Pepsi can on the shelf. I shouldn’t have. Well I finally start to pray.
What a battle Lord, help me to surrender my anger. Help me to realize that there is nothing that I can do right this minute. Help me to realize that it is not that big of a deal (messy but certainly not the size of a problem that I have allowed it o become). Lord, come into this mess and hold me, help me to get over myself. Help me to enjoy this gorgeous Canyon that you created. Lord I want to change.
I want to learn to let go of things that I have no control over I want to learn not to over react to daily problems—that’s life and s__t happens. I want to grow into the woman/wife you created me to become. Help me please.
As we continued to go on through the canyon, I would/could surrender, but the very next curve or the very second that I stopped praying I was escalating up the anger scale again.
15 minutes later we were able to pull over. OK the dreaded moment of unveiling. I slowly opened the door to the trailer and stepped into it. There was my Pepsi can sitting on the counter. It didn’t appear to have moved.
What a miracle in and of itself. Praise God.

Reflecting

May 1st,
Its snowing outside, again, and I have been reflecting.
20 years ago this Saturday, May 3rd, my father died after a 6 week illness. I was 35. I miss him, he was a wonderful Daddy.
May 11 is his Birthday as well as Mothers day this year. I have been reflecting on my mother as well.
I miss not having a deeper and closer relationship with my mom. She has been a dedicated and caring mom for all these years but I am missing not really knowing her heart.

Our family very seldom talked about HARD issues. I am not quite sure why. Maybe because they were hard? uncomfortable?, we didn't want to sit in the muck cos it hurt?, believing that "we could just get over it and get on with living?" What ever the reason, I know that I have done this for most of my life also. I think that it has only been in the last 6 years (maybe longer) that I have allowed myself to sit with my heart splayed open and examine my wounds, the pains and disappointments of my life and to let Jesus be present with me. In this, I have experienced healing.

I would love to be able to sit with my mom and have a "Spirit filled connection" to know her heart. I wrote down questions that I would love to ask her to know her more intimately. The following are a few questions that I want to ask her:
What makes your heart sing?
What moments stand out in your life as being life changing and why?
What is a dream that you still wish for?
Do you regret not doing anything in your life that you would do if you had a second chance?
What words of wisdom- if any- would you give to me as I became a young woman that you didn't? Why?
The happiest day of my life was?
The 2nd happiest day of my life was?
Several disappointments that changed my life were?
I knew that God really loved me when?
Do you remember the most embarrassing moment of your life--or 1 of them?

I hope I have the chance to sit beside her one day and hear her heart.

Lord Jesus hear my prayer, grant this time of "Spirit filled connection" to become an intimate memory and not a regret, give me the courage to reach out and risk.

Katrina